More About Aunt Maggie

If you’ll recall i introduced my Aunt Maggie to the blogosphere back in July in “Aunt Maggie’s power Outage”- http://wp.me/p5AbPX-zG . Well today while driving home from mass I thought of her again and decided to share another of my precious “Aunt Maggie” tales.

My Aunt Maggie was a six-foot-tall, full- figured woman. She wore a size 44 double D brassiere, often bragged about wearing nothing but the best, white cotton granny panties on the market, size 22 triple X. Aunt Maggie said that wearing those little nylon and lace things was too much work.  She said all of that twisting and pinching and pulling and digging all day long made her fingers and arms sore, and it kept her with an awful rash, too.

Anyway, I didn’t care about any of that. Aunt Maggie was my favorite. We spent hours and hours together, especially when school was out. I specifically recall the year I stayed with Aung Maggie during my spring break. It was April, and boy oh boy, was it windy outside. We used a pair of Aunt Maggie’s bloomers to make parachutes, and we jumped off the barn into the duck pond. That was so much fun… until we saw the snake. That was the longest, fattest snake I’d ever laid eyes on. It had fangs hanging outside its mouth and it had two rows of teeth. Now most snakes have little beady eyes, but not that one… the eyes in that thing’s head looked to be as big as golf balls, and they were oozing some kind of green slimy looking stuff. To make matters worse, I think it was blind but it apparently had some kind of heat sensing ability.  That fat, long, double row tooth, fanged, blind thing was swimming right for me, and no matter which way I went, it stayed on my tail. I was screaming and splashing and trying to get away from it when I saw movement out the corner of my eye. I looked over my shoulder and there she was – Aunt Maggie- in all her glory. I wanted to give up and let the snake eat me because life as I knew it, would never be the same after seeing all that up close and in person. She gave a whole new meaning to “naked and afraid”. She was naked and I was afraid… and nauseous… and ready to die.

Aunt Maggie wasn’t having it. I saw her take one deep breath then trap the air inside her cheeks. In one swift move, she released something that was pure evil, it was repugnant and noxious, and at the same time, it was as hot as fish grease. I immediately smelled hair burning…my eyebrows and eyelashes were gone in that instant. Luckily, between the heat and the shear fear and panic, I managed to either subconsciously block or ignore enough of that atrocious odor to limit the blood loss from my nose; but that poor snake never saw it coming. It hit him dead between the golf balls. Aunt Maggie immediately flipped on her back then lunged forward taking that snake’s head between her 44 double D’s and that, dear people, was all she wrote. When her girls let him go, I watched as he lazily slithered to the bank, curled up in the snake fetal position, put his tail in his mouth and sucked himself to sleep.

 

 

Tough Mudder 2017

Several months ago my R registered to compete in a “Tough Mudder” event. She asked me to join her but I declined. Well, this past weekend Baby T and Baby L and I flew into NY to attend the run and to cheer R on. Shortly after arriving at the venue we were informed that it was a 10 mile run with 20 obstacles. Although R and most of her friends/teammates were nervous they ran, climbed, jumped, splashed and crawled their way through every mile and, much to my surprise, through every obstacle. I have never been so proud in my life. I am the runner, jumper, climber in our family.  R has never participated in anything that even resembled a run through mud. She and her sisters have always been my pride and joy and once again she has amazed me with her effort, her enthusiasm and her perseverance.

  • IMG_4209.jpgIMG_4224.jpgIMG_4235.jpg

Meet and Greet: 7/14/17

Look everyone, Danny’s at it again.
Jump in and introduce yourselves…. that’s what I did!

Dream Big, Dream Often

 dreambigwallpaper-pinkombre

It’s the bimonthly Meet and Greet everyone!!  Strap on your party shoes and join the fun!  

Ok so here are the rules:

  1. Leave a link to your page or post in the comments of this post.
  2. Reblog this post.  It helps you, it helps me, it helps everyone!
  3. Edit your reblog post and add tags.
  4. Feel free to leave your link multiple times!  It is okay to update your link for more exposure every day if you want.  It is up to you!

  5. Share this post on social media.  Many of my non-blogger friends love that I put the Meet n Greet on Facebook and Twitter because they find new blogs to follow.

See ya on Monday!!

View original post

Re-Blogging for feedback…

This is an excerpt from a short story I wrote a while back. I posted it in April 2015 and I decided to repost it today to see what type of feedback it receives.   
Not to worry, the brains behind Runaway Nuns and Leprechauns are NOT nestled inside the heads of crazy people, but we truly believe that a vivid (sometimes graphic) imagination is a terrible thing to allow to go un-exhibited

————————————————————————————————————-

So back to the hallway… having done this many times before Kai and I had developed a method of what we referred to as “self-preservation” mode. It’s a simple technique in which we tried not to get ourselves whacked by the crazies. The first thing I noticed in the hallway was a large metal object covered in red paint; at least that’s what it looked like at first glance. As we stepped closer for a better look, we realized, almost simultaneously, that we were looking at a knight in not so shining armor! It appeared to be an original uniform from back in the knight in shining armor day. We were so busy examining our find that neither of us noticed the guillotine in the far corner, that is, until we noticed the rancid smell. There is no disguising the smell of dead flesh, especially flesh that has been left dead, un-refrigerated and un-embalmed for way too long. When the odor hit us, the hair stood up on the back of my neck, and as we would discuss the incident later, Kai would report a similar sensation. I was immediately drawn to the corner, and as my eyes adjusted to the lighting in the dark, dank room, I was horrified to see a pair of blank eyes staring up at me from a bucket at the foot of the guillotine.

Please feel free to comment here or you can contact me privately at elitepottagold@gmail.com

.

In Today’s News We Bring You Potty Training 101- Day 3 (still failing)

Things are not going as well as expected with the little girl and her family. An anonymous source tells us that the little girl’s grand-godmother and her four-legged son were spotted leaving the house earlier today. The source went on to say that he overheard the grand-godmother say “baby, you’re too smart to continually potty on yourself like that”. She then closed the door behind her and walked away laughing and shaking her head.

Silly News 3 contacted the grand-godmother and her son at their residence, and although they refused to comment on the matter, they provided these photos of the little girl’s treasure box.

IMG_3776 (1).jpgIMG_3737 (1).jpg

                                         Can you spot the difference?

“Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge” The Forgotten Outhouse

 

IMG_3507.jpgI took this photo a few weeks ago when I visited my childhood hometown. I struggled to get a good shot of it, through the thick bushes that have taken over, as my daughter watched for snakes and cheered me on. Perhaps I will return in the winter and get another shot after the leaves have fallen from the trees and the grass and weeds have turned brown.