“Ma, that’s not faaaaiiiir”

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Dear Family, I regret to inform you all that I will be unavailable via cell for the next two days. No, I didn’t lose my phone or drop it in the toilet, and no, my mom did not forget to pay the bill. I am phone-less by my own fault – see my mom entered my room this morning and asked me to get up and head to the shower (it was 7 a.m. and we were going to mass at 8:30)… I responded by saying “ma, that’s not fair” (in my whiny baby voice).
She returned a couple of minutes later and asked again that I get up. I responded the same way as before.
The third time she came in she said two words “Tanner, consequences” –
you all know what I said.
Well on the fourth time she said “Tanner, consequences, consequences Tanner”!
My lazy self told my self with sense to get up but… well… I didn’t, and
believe it or not, she didn’t do anything crazy like flip my mattress or pour cold water on me, she simply walked past my room saying “no phone or games at all today”!
I whined a little louder – “no Ma, that’s not fair” … but I STILL didn’t get up 🙀
On the sixth time that the Lord sent my mama past that door, she said these words “that’s 2 days and the next time I come in here it’s a week”!
Yes, that got my attention. I got up and yes, I’m angry now, and yes, my mama wrote this!
(This is not a political ad and although Tanner Harris did not write and does not support this message, I wrote it and I endorse it and she better abide by it or she’s gonna taste the rainbow– tu-day!)

Please do yourself a favor and read the next post— it’s my family’s response to this message and it’s hilarious—–

 

In Today’s News We Bring You Potty Training 101-Day 2

Yesterday we brought you news about a little girl and her family’s efforts to (effortlessly) potty train her. This morning we reached out to the family and asked if they would be willing to provide documentation via daily photos and commentary of their progress (or lack thereof).
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As you can see the box is filled with all sorts of fun things for the little girl. Please check back later for information on her initial reaction to the box and her first day “in training.”

 

#WRITESPIRATION #124 52 WEEKS IN 52 WORDS WEEK 28

Holiday Schmaliday-

We waited all year

Our plans were all set,

We waited in line

To board that big jet.

A tall woman walked over,

And asked for ID-

I sarcastically asked

Are you talking to me?

The taste of that carpet

Was dog crap I’m sure–

Next holiday season

I’ll be more mature!

 

 

 

 

In Today’s News We Bring You Potty Training 101-Day 1 (epic fail)

The idea was to potty train an already two and a half year old little girl who reportedly comprehends and articulates exceedingly well for a child of her young years. This was to be a piece of cake for little girl and her family. That family includes a 53 year “old” mom and a 13 year old “mother hen”. Mommy, as she is lovingly called, decided to create a treasure box for the little girl. They would use butcher paper to cover a cardboard box then embellish it with pom poms, stick-on letters, tassels and anything the little girl’s heart desired (after all, this box would hold all sorts of treats and treasures). Mommy and “Tori”, the little girl’s big sister, were sure that this would be more than enough to encourage their little angel. Unfortunately, the little girl with the blazing blue eyes and the cute little button nose lost interest somewhere between wrapping the box and gluing the tassels on. She left the table, grabbed her juice, her tablet and her “Corey”, went to the bedroom and put herself down for a nap. 

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writing prompt… “The secret you just discovered”

(“We’re over half way through, can you believe it? It’s gone in a flash as always, 2017 is bringing 52 challenges over 52 weeks.

Your challenge is to write your story using the weekly theme/prompt and write it in just 52 words…. EXACTLY, no more, no less.”

The secret you just discovered http://sumo.ly/CsZg via @sacha_black)

I just discovered

That I can fly

Hush hush now good people

I tell you no lie

How can I humanly

Mount to the sky?

That is my little secret

I say and I sigh

Okay, just one hint

And a hardy goodbye

With pen and pad

You too can fly high.

 

 

 

Moms will get this…

It’s been several months since I last wrote and boy, oh boy, have I been busy! Here’s a snapshot of what I’ve been up to…

I’ve joined a weightlifting circuit, I’ve learned to juggle, I’ve become pretty proficient at sign language and I’ve run at least 3 full marathons while carrying a 25 pound sack of sugar. I’ve also completed and exceeded all standards necessary to receive certification in the 1st edition of “Mind Reading for Dummies”. Oh and although it took longer than expected I finally aced that potential security detail- driver’s course. (Believe me, driving forward while- looking back, giving instructions, phoning a friend, checking an airway and trying not to panic and spook the hell out of the people you’ve sworn to protect isn’t as easy as it looks on telly). I’ve also become a master hair stylist.. this one has been a long time coming too, but better late than never, right? As if my plate wasn’t already overflowing, I’ve also taken and passed seven academic courses each of which resulted in my receiving an A+… and I should receive my dental assistant licensure in the mail within the next few days.

Now how’s that for the 53 year old mom of a precious and precocious 2 year old, a beautiful and brilliant middle schooler and a stunning and sagacious young adult?

  • In case you didn’t catch it,  they’re all girls and they are the wind beneath my wings!

Living my life like it’s golden…

P.S. stand by for more fun, wit, sarcasm and charm as I live vicariously through my oldest, nonchalantly with my teen and on the edge of everything through, with and for my toddler —