Was This A Trick Question?

 

True Story—

 

While in tenth grade, my religion teacher, Sister Francine, asked the class to take out 5 sheets of paper and make a list of the 5 most important things in our lives. We were told that we could talk among ourselves and that we had 10 minutes. Some of my classmates were still in that “I hate my parents” stage. I guess I’d either passed through it or never experienced it because my mom was at the top of my list. Next on my list were my brothers, my friends, Gidgette, my poodle, and my grandmother.

When the time was up, Sister Francine walked to the front of the class and put a record on the turntable. I don’t remember what the song was, but I do remember it being something slow and pretty. Our instructions were simple: as we listened to the music we were to go to the garbage can and place the pieces of paper in it –one at a time- throwing each piece away signified letting go of that person or thing forever in order to follow God. As I think back, that had to be the hardest day of my high school career. Most of my friends and I were basket cases.

Here’s how it went:

Letting go of Gidgette was truly gut wrenching. After all, I’d had her since I was eight years old and she was the guardian of my lunch. Every morning after I prepared and bagged lunches for my brothers and me, Gidgette would sit next to mine on the ottoman and stop my brothers from switching bags. I always put the best snacks in my bag. That, in and of itself, should explain why it was so hard to choose between letting go of Gidgette and letting go of grandma. I was the difficult teenager and she was the nosey grandmother who gossiped all day with her old lady friends and told my mom everything she “thought” I was doing.  So no brainer, right?!

I also had trouble deciding between my brothers and my friends because my brothers were … well they were my brothers… we aggravated one another and we told on one another and/but we loved one another. I couldn’t begin to imagine my life without “the boys” in it. They were my first friends. I think I trashed my other friends before my brothers, but nonetheless, the tears flowed freely as I stepped up to the garbage can.*Note to my brothers: Rick and Ray if you ever read this you should feel very good about yourselves because you made it through the first three cuts. (LOL). I would like to send out a sincere apology to my tenth grade friends. It’s a good thing your lives didn’t depend on the order of things that day!

Last, but obviously not least, was the piece of paper with those eight simple letters written on it…M-Y-M-O-T-H-E-R… my mother. What did I do? I held on and I cried. The bell rang and I was still holding on to that silly piece of paper that meant more than the world to me. Several of my friends, male and female, were in the same boat. We couldn’t let go. Truth be known, I probably still have that piece of paper tucked away in my old religion book.

Talk about a trick question for a kid!

**Dear Sister Francine, because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk, because of you I learned to play on the safe side… you know the rest!

 

New York or bust- Issue no. 4 (and that is all)

4th Issue: What is the difference between two of those flat “air” laptops and one of those inch-thick deals? How was I supposed to know that our laptops had to be “binned” separately and that the weirdo watching the monitor would keep that little tidbit to himself? When did I get a clue? Not until the young fellow wearing the almost sagging Dickie uniform pants sauntered over to the “hey don’t touch that lane” and picked our computers up. He glanced over in my direction, asked if the laptops were mine, advised me of my error, then slowly, and I do mean slowly, meandered away with my laptops and that damn single bin in hand.

Note to self- contact Airport Security – AGAIN—ref: no signs warning that while at security (at 6:45 a.m.) you will encounter an almost sagging Dickie clad, James Bond, Jr. in drag who hates his job, is obviously paid by the hour and needs a better belt as you are trying to catch a flight that leaves gate C35 at 7:10 a.m, on Friday, July 21, 2017, and you’re on Concourse A.

Yes, this is a true (4 part) story and yes, we did make our flight. (:

New York or bust- Issue no. 3

Issue number 3: When did it become necessary to take small children out of strollers before passing through security?

We don’t fly very often so the security –baby out of the stroller thing was news to me. Soon after hearing the instructions, I snatched Jill and Corey up, folded the stroller and placed it on the conveyor belt from hell. You know the one that moves your belongings along at a snail’s pace, all the while giving some weirdo, who moonlights as a voyeur, an x-ray vision of anything that passes his creepy screen-veiled eyes.

Note to self- contact Airport security ref: no warning signs about the mean mugged dude giving stroller directives from his spot just on the other side of the machine that conducts the hands-free strip searches, who would also be standing between you and your freshly eye raped belongings, if going thru security on Friday, July 21, 2017, at 6:35 a.m.

Ok, backpacks on the belt- CHECK;

shoes and jackets in the bin and on the belt- CHECK

laptop(s) in THE bin and on the belt- CHECK

New York or bust- Issue no. 2

Second Issue: Why, just why, are elevators placed at the top of really high places (like parking garages) only to have “OUT OF ORDER” signs posted on them? And why on earth would anyone think that a damn arrow pointing in the direction of a flight of stairs would be of any consequence at that moment? The only “flight” people are interested in at this stage in the game is the one they’re about to miss. Could I blame this too on Expedia? Not fair… let’s place blame where blame is due. The same smart ass who has the prestigious position of riding around on that damn golf cart counting open parking spaces and putting that on the scroll bar at the foot of the garage could have added “you’ll have to walk a country mile while carrying your luggage, pushing a baby in a stroller and following a chain smoker to get to a working elevator if you park at the top”. How hard is that?

Note to self- contact Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport (MSY) ref: no warning signs about warning signs, directional arrows or chain smokers (with hacking coughs) that would be encountered if traveling on Friday, July 21, 2017, at 6:10 a.m.

We finally made it into the airport, after very likely contracting some type of incurable airborne smoker’s disease. We checked-in, checked our bags, got our boarding passes and headed to security- with a few minutes to spare.

In Today’s News We Bring You Potty Training 101- Day 5?

Good morning. As you all know, we’ve been following a story about a precocious little two year old and her family’s efforts to potty train her. Although they initially agreed to provide a daily report on their progress, the family has decided that this issue is too private to publicize. When pushed for an explanation, the little girl’s mother provided this written statement, “The treasure box is empty, the pull-up box is too, we’ll have to go another round, but we’ll go it without you!”

In other news:

Things are Looking up for Old Man McDonald

According to his wife, the swelling is all but gone on that back boil of his.

Could my job get any sillier?

Meet and Greet: 7/14/17

Look everyone, Danny’s at it again.
Jump in and introduce yourselves…. that’s what I did!

Dream Big, Dream Often

 dreambigwallpaper-pinkombre

It’s the bimonthly Meet and Greet everyone!!  Strap on your party shoes and join the fun!  

Ok so here are the rules:

  1. Leave a link to your page or post in the comments of this post.
  2. Reblog this post.  It helps you, it helps me, it helps everyone!
  3. Edit your reblog post and add tags.
  4. Feel free to leave your link multiple times!  It is okay to update your link for more exposure every day if you want.  It is up to you!

  5. Share this post on social media.  Many of my non-blogger friends love that I put the Meet n Greet on Facebook and Twitter because they find new blogs to follow.

See ya on Monday!!

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In Today’s News We Bring You Potty Training 101-Day 2

Yesterday we brought you news about a little girl and her family’s efforts to (effortlessly) potty train her. This morning we reached out to the family and asked if they would be willing to provide documentation via daily photos and commentary of their progress (or lack thereof).
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As you can see the box is filled with all sorts of fun things for the little girl. Please check back later for information on her initial reaction to the box and her first day “in training.”