My Not-So-Anonymous Response

I’m not a fan of lists but I decided to compose this one for that small group of people group of small people, rather, who seem to be in need of a bit of reassurance.

P.S. THIS POST “AIN’T” ANONYMOUS. If anything about it offends (or resembles) you, then you are cordially invited to kiss my ass. Too strong? Ok, and I would never invite a coward under my clothes anyway -so, let me change that… you are cordially invited to cowgirl up and contact me for a personal one on one, adult size conversation.

NUMBER 1–I am not a security officer—I’ve paid my dues cupcake, I carry gun(s), not flashlights. 

NUMBER 2–I do not sit with my feet propped up on desks—I’m too professional (and too cute) for that. Were my feet on the desk when I interviewed you during that investigation you were involved in sugar-doodle? 

NUMBER 3–There are very specific, potentially life-saving, rules and laws about what one should do while driving. For example, one should never send and/or receive text messages while operating a motor vehicle. If I am asked to drive so that messages, emails and/or phone calls can be made and/or returned, in a timely manner, I have absolutely no problem doing so. Did I mention that I am a trained defensive driver, and I can navigate through traffic in a crisis situation with ease and reliability, sweetie pie?

NUMBER 4–I am a true “mother hen”, and sometimes that means sitting outside the henhouse, looking in.— Butter cup, there’s a lot to be said about tip lines, surveillance cameras and social media when it comes to detection, prevention and protection. 

NUMBER 5–Officers who rotate between schools are typically from one of three pools, sweet cheeks… (1) not enough officers to have one at each school, (2) so good that he or she is capable of covering and acting as a rover/back up officer for the other officers or (3) the officer has been removed from a campus because of inappropriate or questionable behavior and placed in a “rotator” position.

NUMBER 6–My pockets, in no way, resemble my qualifications which are clearly verified by my years in service, my boots on the ground experience and my resume’, booboo kitty.

NUMBER 7–Unlike several of you who have an issue (with everything), I am a tax paying citizen of this community— I’ve lived here well over 20 years sweet pea. 

NUMBER 8–My unmarked vehicle and my plainclothes status are by design. I can assure you that people are more willing to talk to me when I’m driving a Honda and wearing a business suit than they are when I’m in full police garb and a patrol car. Check the stats muffin!

Bottom line—  I smile and speak when I see you because it’s obvious that it sucks to be you but please don’t let the smooth taste fool you. I promise I can be 10 times nastier than you and your entire little group of conspirators combined! 

 

 

 

My First Challenge—love/hate

 

images-1

 

Evening everyone, I’ve been chosen by the talented blogger/photographer Rich over at  wafflemethis to participate in the love/hate challenge. Go over and give him a browse, he’s got some awesome photographs that you’re sure to like!

Ok, so here are the instructions:

List 10 things I love and 10 things I hate – then nominate 10 fellow bloggers to do the same-

…ok here are 10 things I love

  1. my girls
  2. my family
  3. writing
  4. working in my yard
  5. scary movies
  6. scaring my girls
  7. sunny days
  8. designing and building “things”
  9. reading
  10. hanging out with my girls

…and 10 that I hate

  1. squash
  2. dishonest people
  3. being stuck inside on rainy days
  4. sleeping past 7 on sunny off days
  5. cold showers
  6. cold weather
  7. constant humming
  8. paranoid people
  9. mean people
  10. guys who sag their pants

And the nominees are…

  1. https://yolomoments12.wordpress.com
  2. riddlefromthemiddle.com
  3. underdaddy.com
  4. alittledaydreamer.wordpress.com
  5. joshunda.com
  6. almostfarmgirl.com
  7. virgobeauty.wordpress.com
  8. wildero64.wordpress.com
  9. https://sophiespeaksup.wordpress.com
  10. http://sowsweet.me

5 by 50

5 by 50

(5 characteristics that are almost a shoe in when you reach 50)

Reality Check 1-0-1

1. on eyeglasses and arms:

thicker lenses AND longer arms

2. on laughter and bladder control:

the more you laugh the more you leak

3. on getting out of bed and standing up straight…

the quicker you stand the quicker you wish you hadn’t

4. on breasts and gravity

your tits and the floor are in a constant tug of war

5. on joint pain…

where there’s a joint there’s very likely to be a pain

smooches folks—————————————————————–

…and the correct answer is…

Daily riddle answers….

1.  boxed in—– a frame

2.  feeling blue—–breath

3.  take a guess—–ceiling fan

4.  here we go #4—-smile

5.  plans to fruition—– a bathroom scale

6.  one last clue——-a sock

7.  bounce bounce bounce—– a diving board