Fun with words–

 Unscramble the letters to find the words  (This was created with my co-workers in mind)

  1. edlteioseru – causing harm
  2. aragstemt – a scheme
  3. fdoeaitman – the action of damaging the good reputation of someone
  4. csypcanoir – a plot or scheme by two or more people to commit an unlawful or harmful deed
  5. lpyo – a plan or action designed to turn a situation to one’s own advantage
  6. tneaauqide – insufficient
  7. enyfol – a crime usually punishable by imprisonment for more than one year
  8. surcluusupno – having or showing no moral practice
  9. aiwelkgn – a coward
  10. lelib – a written or verbal statement that is injurious to the reputation
  11. thiepatc – miserably inadequate
  12. cadrwo – a person who lacks courage
  13. rrcupto – having a willingness to act dishonestly in return for personal gain
  14. srlande – make a false and damaging statement about someone
  15. aymiynnto – the condition of being anonymous
  16. dcrlywoa – chicken shit
  17. tssdeiiuo – inciting or causing people to rebel against authority
  18. etecdi – the practice of deceiving someone by misrepresenting the truth
  19. ivctcno – inmate
  20. iatacnbgkbbs – the practice of criticizing someone in a treacherous way while feigning friendship
  21. ochtaniamni – a scheme
  22. fregsuebtu – deceit used in order to achieve one’s goal
  23. aunrdenedhnsdse – dishonest behavior
  24. icdtpilyu – deceitfulness
  25. oqbouly – verbal abuse

I Love Girls!

A friend recently posted this list on his fb page. As the mother of three beautiful girls I thought it would be fitting to create a list of “Rules For My Daughter”.

Rules For My Son: 

  1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.
  2. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs ain’t one.
  3. If you hunt and kill you clean and grill.
  4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.
  5. Act like you’ve been there before. Especially in the end zone.
  6. Request the late check-out.
  7. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
  8. Hold your heroes to a higher standard.
  9. Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.
  10. Don’t fill up on bread.
  11. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look him in the eye.
  12. Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
  13. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.
  14. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.
  15. You marry the girl, you marry her whole family; but don’t forget your mom.
  16. Write down your dreams and keep them under your hat.
  17. Experience the serenity of traveling alone.
  18. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.
  19. Never turn down a breath mint.
  20. In a game of HORSE, sometimes a simple free throw will get ’em.
  21. A sport coat is worth 1000 words.
  22. Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising.
  23. Thank a veteran, and then make it up to him.
  24. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.
  25. Eat lunch with the new kid.
  26. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.
  27. Ask your mom to play. She won’t let you win.
  28. Remove your hat when you enter a room or sit down to eat.
  29. Give credit. Take the blame.

Rules For My Daughter:

  1. When seated, if a man approaches, extend your hand. If he shakes and doesn’t kiss it, forgive him, if he kisses it Germ X asap.
  2. If you’re gonna lay out at the pool, be sure that your bathing suit is so tastefully sexy that all others around you can’t help but look and smile with awe and wonderment.
  3. I will hunt and kill, Tom, Sally or Bill if they ever think or feel that it’s ok to hurt you- (no one will ever find the body).
  4. In a negotiation, remember your skills: outwit, outsmart and, if all else fails, outgun.
  5. Act like you’ve been there before— OWN IT!
  6. Get up and out- the early bird catches the worm and gets the continental breakfast, too.
  7. Keep secrets like they are yours (and remember sharing information is what conspiracies are made of…shhhhhh…)
  8. Be your own hero.
  9. If you borrow a car to transport a body, wipe it down before you return it.
  10. If you eat a lot of bread, expect a lot of dimples.
  11. When shaking hands, grip firmly, make eye contact, then go for the Germ X asap.
  12. Straighten your back when sitting and standing – hump backs are intended for whales.
  13. If you like sand between your toes…you must have gotten that from your daddy.
  14. To hell with a handkerchief, carry Kleenex. A used handkerchief in any pocket (or purse) is disgusting.
  15. You ARE the girl, we ARE your whole family and I Am your mom… need I say more?
  16. Live your dreams (remember I’m living vicariously through you so let’s GET-IT-IN!!)
  17. When traveling alone, be aware of your surroundings- those blonde headed girls walking down 125th, alone, at night, with their bags on their shoulders are hookers child. They are ON THE stroll, not OUT FOR A stroll!
  18. Never forget that YOU ARE the best-looking girl in the room.
  19. Always carry breath mints and be ready to throw one at anyone who needs it.
  20. In a game of HORSE, watch from the comfort of your air-conditioned home and offer them lemonade when the game is over. By the way: do you even know what a game of HORSE is?
  21. A guy wearing a sport coat isn’t always a bad thing unless it’s plaid and it has matching pants (looking like OshKosh B’gosh).
  22. Your life is your eulogy. Make it your best written work.
  23. Your grandfather was a veteran. (Thank him in your prayers tonight).
  24. Everything about you is unique. Don’t be afraid to show ‘em whatcha got girl!
  25. Pay it forward at Starbucks. (I know you’re a “frequent buyer” in that joint).
  26. After writing an angry email, read it carefully, and after forwarding it to me delete it. I’ll read it then I’ll take care of the s.o.b. it was intended for.
  27. Ask your grandmother to play… be brave my child… be really, really brave.
  28. You’re a young lady, wearing a fashionable hat indoors and or at the table is acceptable (especially on a bad hair day!).
  29. Give credit where credit is due and take responsibility for yourself and your actions but don’t let any jerk off get away with blaming his or her dumb shit on you.

The 8 (most) FAQ About My Biracial Children…

The 8 (most) FAQ about my biracial children AND the 8 answers they never saw coming—

    (plus 2 bonus comments and the responses they elicited)

  1. Q: Who she get them blue eyes from?

         A:     She got em from Massa

  1. Q: Who baby you done stole?

           A:     I found her in a basket down by the Nile river, don’t tell nobody, ok?

  1. Q: She so pretty, she mixed?

           A:     Are you?

  1. Q: What she mixed wit?

          A:     Puppy and dolphin

  1. Q:     Where did she get all that curly hair?

          A:     It’s a wig, she’s really a boy

  1. Q: Oooh, who her daddy is?

          A:     Jesus

  1. Q: Her daddy white?

          A:     I don’t know, I took her out of somebody’s shopping basket

  1. Q: That’s yo baby?

         A:     No, it’s my puppy.

               Bonus 1: “What a beautiful child. You must be so proud”

                                “Yes’sum, and Massa is too!”

 

              Bonus 2: “Oh my, she’s so neat and clean”

                             “Thank you ma’am, I tries real hard.”     

 

                                                Moral of this story:

                          Don’t come for me if I don’t send for you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In Today’s News We Bring You Potty Training 101- Day 5?

Good morning. As you all know, we’ve been following a story about a precocious little two year old and her family’s efforts to potty train her. Although they initially agreed to provide a daily report on their progress, the family has decided that this issue is too private to publicize. When pushed for an explanation, the little girl’s mother provided this written statement, “The treasure box is empty, the pull-up box is too, we’ll have to go another round, but we’ll go it without you!”

In other news:

Things are Looking up for Old Man McDonald

According to his wife, the swelling is all but gone on that back boil of his.

Could my job get any sillier?

A Dear John Letter to my Younger Self

Dear Younger Self,

I feel that it is my obligation, as your senior, to fill you in on a few things. I intend to speak in such a way that you should have no problem comprehending; however, in an effort to eliminate any misunderstanding, I will also use colloquialism most familiar to you.

I am in charge now and I will be sure and remain apprised of all important issues, including but not limited to, annual dental exams. (I run this. I’m the shot caller and you can trust and believe I’m gone stay woke on everything I need to, including keeping my grill tight). In the event that I go out, I will decide when I am to return home and I will not party until the wee hours of the morning. (I bail when I say so and I won’t be turnt when the lights come on.) As a responsible adult, I return all phone calls promptly, I socialize with people in my age group and I dress and behave accordingly. (I’m grown. I hit ‘em back on the celly when I can, I hang with my squad, my gear is always on fleek and I slay every time I hit these streets). Please understand that I enjoy a low key and private style of life where I make every effort to mind my own business. (I’m basic, not boujee at all, and I always stay in my lane). In the run of a day, I make no effort to belittle others – I’m not overbearing, loud or outwardly aggressive, and I never go to the extreme. (I don’t throw shade and I’m never extra.)

Also, I can honestly say that although I drink, I do not have my deceased father’s penchant for libations. (Ion stay lit). My dear younger self, through this letter, you should gain comfort in knowing that I am perfectly fine with where I am. You, on the other hand, are out of control. (Look bae, this letter should give you life. By the way you know you have zero chill, right?) So now, without further ado, I would greatly appreciate it if you would sit quietly in the memories of my subconscious and allow me to take it from here. (now that’s a wrap, bye Felecia!)

 

Yours Truly,

(Deuces,)

 

Your Older Self

 

In Today’s News We Bring You Potty Training 101-Day 1 (epic fail)

The idea was to potty train an already two and a half year old little girl who reportedly comprehends and articulates exceedingly well for a child of her young years. This was to be a piece of cake for little girl and her family. That family includes a 53 year “old” mom and a 13 year old “mother hen”. Mommy, as she is lovingly called, decided to create a treasure box for the little girl. They would use butcher paper to cover a cardboard box then embellish it with pom poms, stick-on letters, tassels and anything the little girl’s heart desired (after all, this box would hold all sorts of treats and treasures). Mommy and “Tori”, the little girl’s big sister, were sure that this would be more than enough to encourage their little angel. Unfortunately, the little girl with the blazing blue eyes and the cute little button nose lost interest somewhere between wrapping the box and gluing the tassels on. She left the table, grabbed her juice, her tablet and her “Corey”, went to the bedroom and put herself down for a nap. 

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