Tag: advice

A friend recently posted this list on his fb page. As the mother of three beautiful girls I thought it would be fitting to create a list of “Rules For My Daughter”.

Rules For My Son: 

1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.
2. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs ain’t one.
3. If you hunt and kill you clean and grill.
4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.
5. Act like you’ve been there before. Especially in the end zone.
6. Request the late check-out.
7. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
8. Hold your heroes to a higher standard.
9. Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.
10. Don’t fill up on bread.
11. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look him in the eye.
12. Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
13. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.
14. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.
15. You marry the girl, you marry her whole family; but don’t forget your mom.
16. Write down your dreams and keep them under your hat.
17. Experience the serenity of traveling alone.
18. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.
19. Never turn down a breath mint.
20. In a game of HORSE, sometimes a simple free throw will get ’em.
21. A sport coat is worth 1000 words.
22. Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising.
23. Thank a veteran, and then make it up to him.
24. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.
25. Eat lunch with the new kid.
26. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.
27. Ask your mom to play. She won’t let you win.
28. Remove your hat when you enter a room or sit down to eat.
29. Give credit. Take the blame.

Rules For My Daughter:

1. When seated, if a man approaches, extend your hand. If he shakes and doesn’t kiss it, forgive him, if he kisses it Germ X asap.
2. If you’re gonna lay out at the pool, be sure that your bathing suit is so tastefully sexy that all others around you can’t help but look and smile with awe and wonderment.
3. I will hunt and kill, Tom, Sally or Bill if they ever think or feel that it’s ok to hurt you- (no one will ever find the body).
4. In a negotiation, remember your skills: outwit, outsmart and, if all else fails, outgun.
5. Act like you’ve been there before— OWN IT!
6. Get up and out- the early bird catches the worm and gets the continental breakfast, too.
7. Keep secrets like they are yours (and remember sharing information is what conspiracies are made of…shhhhhh…)
8. Be your own hero.
9. If you borrow a car to transport a body, wipe it down before you return it.
10. If you eat a lot of bread, expect a lot of dimples.
11. When shaking hands, grip firmly, make eye contact, then go for the Germ X asap.
12. Straighten your back when sitting and standing – hump backs are intended for whales.
13. If you like sand between your toes…you must have gotten that from your daddy.
14. To hell with a handkerchief, carry Kleenex. A used handkerchief in any pocket (or purse) is disgusting.
15. You ARE the girl, we ARE your whole family and I Am your mom… need I say more?
16. Live your dreams (remember I’m living vicariously through you so let’s GET-IT-IN!!)
17. When traveling alone, be aware of your surroundings- those blonde headed girls walking down 125^th, alone, at night, with their bags on their shoulders are hookers child. They are ON THE stroll, not OUT FOR A stroll!
18. Never forget that YOU ARE the best-looking girl in the room.
19. Always carry breath mints and be ready to throw one at anyone who needs it.
20. In a game of HORSE, watch from the comfort of your air-conditioned home and offer them lemonade when the game is over. By the way: do you even know what a game of HORSE is?
21. A guy wearing a sport coat isn’t always a bad thing unless it’s plaid and it has matching pants (looking like OshKosh B’gosh).
22. Your life is your eulogy. Make it your best written work.
23. Your grandfather was a veteran. (Thank him in your prayers tonight).
24. Everything about you is unique. Don’t be afraid to show ‘em whatcha got girl!
25. Pay it forward at Starbucks. (I know you’re a “frequent buyer” in that joint).
26. After writing an angry email, read it carefully, and after forwarding it to me delete it. I’ll read it then I’ll take care of the s.o.b. it was intended for.
27. Ask your grandmother to play… be brave my child… be really, really brave.
28. You’re a young lady, wearing a fashionable hat indoors and or at the table is acceptable (especially on a bad hair day!).
29. Give credit where credit is due and take responsibility for yourself and your actions but don’t let any jerk off get away with blaming his or her dumb shit on you.