Ok, below you will find what I refer to as the “New school/Petty” way of saying thank you and the “Old school/Proper” way of saying it in certain circumstances— 

1. You don’t like it  

          New school/Petty: “thanks” (while rolling your eyes and placing the gift on the floor)

          Old school/Proper: “oh my goodness, how thoughtful of you!”

2. You don’t have a clue what you’ve just been given-

           New school/Petty: “what the hell is this?”

          Old school/Proper: “oh my goodness, how thoughtful of you!”

3. You think it’s cheap

        New school/Petty: “where did you get this from?” (while aggressively checking it for a price tag)

        Old school/Proper: “oh my goodness, how thoughtful of you!”

 4. The gifter gives you and someone else in the room similar gifts but yours is smaller

       New school/Petty: “you got the same thing as me?” (while placing yours next to the other one looking curiously at the gifter)

      Old school/Proper: “oh my goodness, how thoughtful of you!”

 5. it’s not your size

  too big:   New school/Petty: “oh so you think I’m fat?”

Old school/Proper: “oh my, how thoughtful of you!”

  too little: New school/Petty: “oh you tryin’ to be funny now!”

      Old school/Proper: “oh my, how thoughtful of you!”

By the way… if I ever refer to you as “Betty” -in passing, in conversation, in a post or in your face- simply thank me kindly and be on your merry little way!