Giving In~

 

The moment I opened my eyes I felt that urge.  It was the same urge I’d felt last night, standing like a hidden object in the shadows of my mind. For more than a month, my mind had been plagued with its ever so present being. I couldn’t shake it nor would I force myself to face it. Opening and closing my eyes, I put forth a valiant effort to send it back into the recesses of my subconscious. To my dismay, this seemed to cause an increase in the intensity making it apparent that it was more determined than ever to be fulfilled. Wait, could an urge be “determined” or was I overthinking this? Was I taking this yearning and giving it life or did it already have a life and existence of its own? I was certain that at the very least it had an existence and a very powerful one. Lately, I’d had so many middle of the night awakenings that I was beginning to see dark circles under my eyes. My excessive pride and the floor to ceiling mirrored walls in my bedroom told me that I had to find a way to satisfy this urge without completely giving in to it.

I had to work fast, and my proclivity to lose myself in puzzles and riddles, paired with my extreme delight in doing so, would certainly come in handy as I faced this daunting task. I would have solicited the assistance of one of my roommates, but I feared neither of them would have the patience nor the courage to do so. I was undoubtedly about to delve into something bigger than my roomies and I combined. That thought alone shook me to my core, which was a completely new sensation to and for me. Fear had never been an emotion I allowed myself to submit to.

I inhaled long and deep – allowing my lungs to inflate to full capacity. As I exhaled, I closed my eyes and felt my mind coming to rest at a blank, black wall. My breathing became slow and rhythmic, as if keeping time with the seconds that ticked away loudly on my wrist. I stood motionless. I gradually opened my eyes and surveyed my surroundings, and I let my eyes adjust to the light. As the room came into focus, I spotted it… that tall, slender double decker that taunted me in my dreams.

There was no more holding back. I’d fought as long and hard as the next person. There was no question as to whether or not I would give in- the real question was, to what degree?

As I pondered, I found myself reaching out-

Before I could stop myself, I’d opened the door, removed the box and cut a huge hunk right out of the center of that decadent chocolate cheesecake.

I didn’t eat it right out of the pan, so I didn’t completely give in —

 

7 thoughts on “Giving In~

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